How to get rid of unwanted cats.

[daffy]

If he does that, the next thread will be, 'how to get rid of unwanted lion poo from your lawn'

[Tomskiii]

Lmao, my solution is elephants... to eat the lion poo, too scare off the cat.

[daffy]

.... new thread, 'how do I get rid of elephants squatting on my lawn, how did they get there? well, there was this cat ...

first post, ah yeah, you get a mouse to scare off the elephant

next thread, so I got this mouse, that I got to scare off an elephant ...

first post, right, you need to get a cat ......

[Tomskiii]

There once was a bodybuilder who had a cat on his lawn,
on his lawn the cat did sit, untill the lion poo surrounded it,
poo on my lawn? the lifter did yawn,
"an elephant shall eat it" he quickly prayed,
Later that day he did say...

**** i've screwed up this lawn.

[dope540]

cat stew?

[Wotan]

Buy a dog ... preferably mine. Its eating me out of house and home.

[Luffers]

I'd love to have a dog but don't want to leave it on its own all day, I don't think thats fair and unfortunately I can't take it to work with me.

[sendos]

You could rig up like a magnetic system that has a spring loaded boxing glove just in front of the cat flap, your cat can come and go as it pleases. But as soon as the intruder steps through the cat flap BAMMN!! it gets punted straight out on to its ****!

[HandyX]

My neighbours cat likes to occasionally deposit its bowels on my lawn and in the flower bed. Last week I bought a 'ray-gun' type thing that in audible only to cats. I saw the cat, aimed, squeezed the trigger and it's head shot round in astonishment. That was the height of my fun, since then it has ignored the ray-gun. Good old fashioned stone throwing is more effective and has a further range. No matter where i see the cat, no matter how far from my house I see it I throw a few stones at it. It's great.

[CosmicFish]

Get yourself a blackwidow catapult and a kilo of shelled peanuts.