Brave man jokes

**Crashtest** · 16-02-2009 08:24 AM

My Mrs laughed at them all !

**Dadonda** · 16-02-2009 11:57 AM

What do a tornado and a wife have in common. They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking but in the end they take your house off you.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

A man on his death bed askes his wife if she will grant him one last wish. Anything she sais. Well six months after I die I want to to marry Bill. I thought you hated Bill she replied. With his last breath he said.... I do.

**coma** · 16-02-2009 12:44 PM

Dear Alan,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbour's daughter is 22.

We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Alan

**myprotein.com** · 16-02-2009 01:04 PM

Hi guys,

Please remember the following rule:

Quote

1E:Any posts which may be deemed as racist, sexist, homophobic, sexually explicit, abusive or otherwise objectionable will be removed.

We certainly don't want to be killjoys or overly PC, but we do have lots of female readers and members here so lets please ensure jokes are within the rules of the forum. Please remember what doesn't offend you may offend others...

Thanks guys.. MP!

**HBK** · 16-02-2009 07:25 PM

Here you go MP, I'll even this one up a bit

Quote

A man with a brain tumour visited a surgeon who had developed a revolutionary operation involving transplants. On meeting the surgeon the man asked how much the brains costed. The surgeon replied "For a man, I must transplant a man's brain into your skull and that will be £1000."
"Fine" said the man. "Just out of interest, how much are women's brains?"
"Women's brains are £100," said the surgeon.
"So tell me," the man asked curiously, "why are women's brains a tenth of the price of men's brains?"
The surgeon replied, "Because they've been used."

All better.

**Wotan** · 16-02-2009 11:41 PM

Quote

Originally Posted by coma

Dear Alan,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbour's daughter is 22.

We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Alan

Ha ha ha, nearly wet myself at that one!!!

**Bobby-bandito** · 17-02-2009 12:34 AM

Quote

Originally Posted by Wotan

Ha ha ha, nearly wet myself at that one!!!

how is it funny though?

**Wotan** · 17-02-2009 09:32 AM

Subjective-value judgements are involved I'm afraid.

**coma** · 17-02-2009 12:32 PM

Quote

Originally Posted by LionHair

The wife was writing to the Agony-Uncle (Alan) to say her marriage had gone belly-up, and she only found out 'cos the car had stalled that day (the beginning of her story).

Then Alan replies... telling her how to fix the car problem. He read the problem was the car - she says the problem is the marriage.

That's the same explanation my GF gave.

**Bobby-bandito** · 17-02-2009 12:34 PM

Quote

Originally Posted by LionHair

The wife was writing to the Agony-Uncle (Alan) to say her marriage had gone belly-up, and she only found out 'cos the car had stalled that day (the beginning of her story).

Then Alan replies... telling her how to fix the car problem. He read the problem was the car - she says the problem is the marriage.

ah.... its not funny.