Brave man jokes

[Luffers]

1. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!

2.What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

3. What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

4. What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.


5. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

6. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

7. Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

8. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.

9. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?

Made her chain too long

10. How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

11. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.


12. Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.


13. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

14. How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

15. Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.


16. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


17. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

18. I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

19. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake.

20. Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

[Luffers]

Some old ones on there but I love number 9 LOL

[Ripped Barbarian]

LOL!!

I've heard a few of those before but there's a few new ones!

[HBK]

They were awesome, I've heard a few of them before but laughed none the less.

[Crashtest]

Just told them all to the Mrs !

[paul_gti6]

8. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.

[Martinb]

8 and 9 have got to be my favorites!

Brilliant collection tho!

[hugedyno]

I hadn't heard no. 15 before.

That made me laugh!




HD.

[Luffers]

Quote

Just told them all to the Mrs !

LOL

Then you are surely a brave man

[LionHair]

One or 2 of them made me giggle - but I have to say no. 8 (and to a lesser degree no. 9.) does offend me They refer to making fun out of violence against women - 8., or their imprisonment 9.... both forms of domestic violence, which whilst I have never suffered from - I do find those jokes unpleasant (I've marked my feeling in pink - what other colour eh? below). Many of the jokes smack too much of gender-bias to me, and sail close to the sexist-wind.

I realise they've been cut 'n' pasted into here and the OP is not the author of them... but as a woman I needed to express my views (see there is some truth to the jokes below... as we/I always have to have our/my say).

Quote

1. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Funny

Marry It!

2.What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side. Funny

3. What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman Funny

4. What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it. Funny-ish


5. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. Funny-ish

6. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it. Funny but naughty-ish

7. Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care. Funny

8. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already. Not funny to me & offended me

9. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?

Made her chain too long Not funny to me & offended me

10. How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it. Funny

11. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Just generally unfunny


12. Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Funny-ish


13. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' Funny-ish

14. How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Funny

15. Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Funny


16. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. Funny


17. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told Not funny.

18. I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always. Funny

19. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake. Funny

20. Why do men die before their wives?

They want to. Funny