First order referal - Jokes

[jackm1]

hi guys, was about to make my first order when i saw the referal code thing.
so heres the deal: whoever posts the best joke by like 4pm (31st march), as judged by me, will get there referal code used in my order of a whopping £50

one joke per person

[kalmis]

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and 'survival of the pack mentality' bred into the canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine.


Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator.







Not for the squeamish

[Crashtest]

The Old Explorer
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.”

The reporter said, “Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same, it must have been a terrifying experience!”

The old explorer said, “No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!”

[Monkfish]

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

[CosmicFish]

What's pink and hard?






A pig with a flick-knife.


(oops! Forgot code: MP7734)
(Not that I'll win with this paltry effort. )

[kerrydale]

C-C-C-C-Combo breaker!


One night as a pregnant woman was walking home, she got mugged and shot 3 times in the stomach. Amazingly the unborn babies survived and soon the woman was to give birth to triplets, 2 girls and 1 boy.

The girls had reached 'that stage' at 13, the first girl walked into the bathroom and then screamed! The mother came rushing to the bathroom and asked 'whats wrong?'.
The girl says to her mother, 'mom I just got my period and a bullet came out!' So the mother told her the story of that frightful night. The exact same thing happened to the next girl.
The boy went into the bathroom one day and screamed, 'MOM!' The mother rushed to the bathroom to find her baby boy shocked, but she knew what must have been wrong. 'Son, did you poop out a bullet?' she asked...

The son said, 'No! I was jacking off and I accidentally shot the cat!'


----------------------------------------------------------------------


What's green and smells like Pig?




























Kermitts Finger
_________________

MP71073

[TRC]

A woman sees a man travelling with 6 children, and she asks "are all the children yours, sir?" and the man replies "no, I work in a condom factory and these are all customer complaints"

[Superhuman]

An Anne Summers Truck Was Driving Along The Road - With A Family Car Behind It.

Out Of The Lorry Flew A Massive Dildo - It Smacked Off The Family Car Windscreen

To Hide Her Embarrassment When Asked What It Was - The Mother Stated That It Was A Large Insect

To Which Her 7 Year Old Son Replied "F**k Me! I'm Surprised It Can Fly With A C**k Like That"

[CoN]

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his penis in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?" "Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

referrals in my sig! lol

[Ripped Barbarian]

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

I'm not worried about any referal points, just thought i'd add a joke.